Tis the Season... to make Nikki cry

I already know when Michael reads this (he will read the headline, not the content) that he will be annoyed because right now I am supposed to be decorating our tree.  Well, our second tree. The first was decorated last night with the help of my wonderful mother who listened to me whine and complain most of the time. I just don't enjoy decorating for the holidays anymore. I used to, but it's been a long time and I don't remember why I don't like to now, just call me the Grinch.  I do love when the decorations are up and done. I love sitting in the big, comfy chair and watching the lights twinkle while I drink a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine in the evening. I enjoy watching the tree spin (yes, we have a rotating tree stand, because - why not?!) and marveling at the beauty.  Once it's all done, that is. In the meantime, it's complain, whine and wish someone else would do it for me.  So. I am about halfway done with the second tree, which was actually my original tree from years past, but I love this tree and I can't seem to part with it.  It's beautiful and grand and full and covered in memories, not to mention needles all over the floor! I have so many ornaments with Savannah and Robert's names I have lost count putting them up. I have the original ornaments I got from Garden Ridge Pottery so many years ago on a Thanksgiving night when my Aunt Helen and Mom went with me because I wanted to redo my tree from white flocked, bought every year, to the beautiful tree that comes out of the attic now, and which I have halted the decorating. I was thinking of my aunt. We didn't see eye to eye on quite a few things, but we had similar taste and love the elegance and opulence in most things, including my Christmas tree and ornaments. This tree is adorned with maroon and gold. There are some sparkles, but mostly just beautiful, elegant gold with maroon sprinkled in for good measure. (The sparkles are on the new tree... since I do love my sparkles these days. There is glitter all over my floor to prove it.) As I hung some of the ornaments my heart and mind went to days long ago when Savannah was a little one and Robert was home. I miss my kiddos and wish they were closer, but my heart is full because I have gotten to spend time with both of them this year, which I hadn't been able to do for a few years. Savannah has become part of the family again, which brings this momma such joy and peace I can't even explain, and Robert and his family are stateside with this Navy tour and came to visit over the summer.  This Christmas will be full of new memories and smiles and laughs with current family arrangements, and as much as I am a Grinch and don't love the hustle and bustle associated with the holiday season, I am looking a bit more forward to it this year. And as the dated ornaments go on the dated tree, the tears fall for different reasons this year than the last couple. The tears are from an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my wonderful family. I have an amazing husband. My family is blessed with health. My parents, in-laws, brother & his family are all local and I can love on my nieces and spend quality time with them as much as our crazy schedules allow.  I have friends all around the country and world, and if I wanted to escape for a weekend I know any of them would have me in a heartbeat. I have a terrific job that keeps me challenged, motivated and working with super talented people. I have the best friends a girl could ask for - supportive, loving, kind and caring.  Yes, this is a different Christmas season for me in many ways, and this year I will try to see the wonder and merriment through the eyes of a child. After all, God sent His son so we could do just that. He must be onto something... 

You are not alone.

I have been hearing God whisper to me lately that we need to be reminded that we are not alone.  If you're my friend on FB you have probably seen a handful of posts about this topic. It's really been on my heart quite a lot and the more I speak about it, the more my friends confirm that we all really do need these reminders.  Life gives us struggles.  Struggles make us stronger.  Or they make us bitter. Struggles make us more honest.  Or they make us angry.  Struggles make us more humble. Or they make us retreat.  Struggles make us feel all alone in this world, though we might be surrounded by dozens or even hundreds.  I have overcome some struggles and adversity in my life.  Some of it was waiting for me around a corner others knew I would come to one day, but I was too naïve to see it myself, while some of it was completely unexpected.  It happens this way, doesn't it?  Sometimes we have consequences about the choices we make that result in struggles. That doesn't make the struggle any less real or any less hurtful, does it?  And sometimes we are victims of terrible circumstance or situation that catapults us into a struggle, which might make us beg God and ask "why me? what did I do to deserve this?"  I cannot deny I have asked God, yelled at God, cried at God, shook my fist at God, but, ultimately, relied on God to help get me through whatever the struggle was at the time.  We all deal with struggle in our own ways, but we all do deal with struggle at some point or another.  I am specifically drawn, at this moment, to the women in my life and sharing their stories of struggle.  I believe we try REALLY hard to put up a front of how strong we are, not because we are showing off, rather because we feel shame or embarrassment by whatever storm we might be fighting- not once taking into thought that someone very close to us might have already waged the same battle or be going through it right now... same as us!  I have been led to put a collection of stories together in the hopes that sharing them might bring someone else comfort or peace or lead them to healing...  I would love to hear your story if you're willing to share!  We can set up a time for a meeting if you are local or by phone if you are not... Or if you want to write it out (3rd person, anonymous, whatever is comfortable) then I will add to the collection. I'm really unsure how this will play out, but I know there's a need to let our sisters know we aren't alone in struggles. No shame! Situations like divorce, depression, mental illness, infidelity, addiction, addiction of loved ones, mental, physical, sexual abuse, infertility, blended family issues, broken parent/child relationships - just some topics that come to mind that I KNOW I can't be the only one dealing with or know friends who are dealing with them... just trying to find a safe place to share stories that will illuminate love, hope & strength.  I have been so inspired in recent months with some amazing women I have had the privilege of meeting and getting to know, along with many years of friendship with terrific women who I know have overcome so much.  If you are inclined to share with me so we can share with others, please let me know and I will work hard to fulfill what I believe is God's work through this project.  I have no timeline, nothing set in stone, but I know there is lots of pain and if we can help bring comfort to one hurting heart then that is enough for me!  Here's to all you overcomers out there and thanks for taking the time to read my rambling tonight!