#BlackLivesMatter #BlueLivesMatter #AllLivesMatter

I am a supporter of my peace officers and law enforcement. I have a few friends who are cops, and I appreciate the job they do and the risks they take every day to protect our community, my family and me. I know there are terrible people in the world, and I am thankful for the courage and sacrifice these men and women in blue take on daily - dealing with the darkest of darkness in our world, and trying to make the world a better and safer place. I know police officers are people, too - moms and dads working the job to bring income to their family and safety to the area they serve - and I believe with all my heart that MOST of them are good human beings. 
I open with that so there is no possibility to confuse or misconstrue the upcoming analogy. 

My friends, our country is at a breaking point. My friends and loved ones of color - those I know personally and those I do not - are suffering. They are dying at the hands of police officers. Obviously NOT the good ones. They are dying at the hands of rotten apples, but you know they saying how you can't let a few rotten apples spoil the bunch? What do you do with those rotten apples? FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU GET RID OF THEM! AND YOU WATCH THEM CLOSELY TO ENSURE NO OTHER APPLES TURN ROTTEN, OTHERWISE YOU WILL LOSE YOUR WHOLE BUNCH!!!!  No, they are not all "bad apples" - but the rotten ones are ruining the reputation of the masses in uniform because someone is allowing it. And by ruining the reputation I mean they are the brutes of police brutality and they are killing people of color. Some out there in police land heard one of their own say something inappropriate or racist and didn't call their buddy out on it. Someone out there in police land saw two people in the area of the scene of a crime and decided it was the person of color in a hoodie based on racial profiling. Someone out there in police land was arresting two people for public intoxication outside a bar and both were complying, but the black man was tackled while the white man was cuffed and placed in the police car without incident. These things happen every day at the hands of these rotten apples. We have to pick them out of the bunch. We have to call them out, discipline or fire them, and demand change in the way our communities are protected. 

Don't like the apple analogy? Do you have kids? Do they go to school... or day care... or Sunday School at your church? Do they have teachers? Do they have adults in their lives that are paid or volunteer to care for them in your stead? If you work outside the home or ever leave your children in anyone else's care EVER then think about one of those people. Think of the trust you have put in that organization or that person to care for your child. This is going to be hard, but think for a moment that your child is hurt by that person or someone caring for your child at that place of which you are thinking. Think for a moment that your child was hurt BADLY.  Think of the helplessness you feel, the sadness, the anger, the outrage. HOW DARE THAT PLACE THAT YOU TRUST HURT YOUR CHILD! Fortunately, this is an exercise and your child is fine. Imagine if your child was hurt beyond what the doctors could save. Imagine if your child died, and you were fighting for justice for your baby and the courts or district attorneys told you that ALL CHILDREN MATTER and to settle down about your loss. They know teachers need to be monitored, but they will get to it someday. YES, OH MY GOSH, OF COURSE ALL CHILDREN MATTER - BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - YOUR BABY (this is really hard for me to say, so have to write "still pretending") IS DEAD AT THE HANDS OF THAT CRAZY TEACHER!  And maybe that teacher had hurt other children before, but complaints fell on deaf administrator ears because the child was not listening, not sitting still, not following directions.  And then it escalated. Or maybe that teacher had mentioned to other teachers how these children were out of control and he or she was going to do something about it one day. Those types of comments or complaints would surely have been investigated in a school setting.  What would happen if this were in a public school? The teacher would be investigated by law enforcement. There could be witnesses... maybe someone filmed the entire pretend incident and there is a full account - second by second - of that monster hurting your baby. That video would make it into court, and very likely, that teacher would be convicted and go to jail. But that school would put policies in place quicker than anyone could ever imagine to avoid the incident happening again. WHY IS A POLICE FORCE A DIFFERENT SETTING WITH A DIFFERENT SET OF STANDARDS?? These men and women of color that are dying at the hands of the bad guys in uniforms are someone's babies, y'all. THEY ARE SOMEONE'S BABIES AND THEY ARE DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And do you understand why it is wrong to say All Children Matter when it should be YOUR Child Matters - because your child was the specific child impacted - targeted - hurt or killed - at the time? 

I imagine that since two weeks have passed from when our latest black man was murdered by police officers, some of you might be getting tired of this white girl sharing and commenting that Black Lives Matter. I imagine some of you are still adamantly thinking, and I have seen some of you saying, that it is not ok to destroy property through looting and rioting and protests should be peaceful. Of course everyone should want peaceful changes. But change is hard, yall. It doesn't feel good and it goes against our human nature. As a society we have created a problem and as a society we must work together to fix the problem. We have made people of color in our nation (in our world, really) feel LESS THAN. Less than important. Less than equal. Less than white. Less than human.  It is our role, whatever color you are reading this right now, to help fix the problem. Have difficult conversations. Look inward and honestly assess what you are doing to contribute in a positive and negative way. And change yourself. We all have bias. We all have experiences and family values and community morals - or lack thereof - that color our world and our view.  Look through someone else's eyes for a while. Share their experiences and be compassionate and be empathetic. Instead of blaming each other - instead of reliving our shameful history and treatment of our people of color any longer - let's put in the hard work to change ourselves and grow together.  It can be done... one issue at a time. Addressing and removing one bad apple at a time when negative comments are made, rather than after he has literally crushed the life out of someone, or shot someone running, or got a choke hold because he did not get into the police car peacefully. 

I want a better world for my son. I want a better world for the babies that will come to and through my home. I want a better world for your babies, your grandbabies. I want a better world for ME AND YOU RIGHT NOW. Won't you join me in thinking outside your own personal circumstances and begin to discuss hard issues and understand new things and learn to be better, think better and do better and unlearn the yuck stuff? Won't you at least try?

From my Heart to Yours... a Plea for CHANGE

Man. 2020 is one for the history books, isn't it? Did we have anything in Jan and Feb? I can't honestly remember. But I sure remember from March on... Adjusting (not very well at the start) to a work from home lifestyle... merging the manager role with the mom and wife role all in the same place and trying to find some sort of balance... having a toddler home 24/7... Being home 24/7... Exponentially increased usage of social media... Amazon coming almost daily (oh, wait, that wasn't much of a change LOL)... all the stuff around social distancing, no travel at all, flights and cruises canceled, stores and businesses shut down, friends and family being furloughed or laid off or completely shut down, everyone wearing masks - or not, and then causing issues, schools closed and parents doing double or triple duty as teacher & parent & possibly employee, concerts and sports seasons canceled, and so much more. It's just been a LOT.  The world as we knew it seems forever changed, or for the immediate future since so much is canceled through the summer at the least.

And then, just a week ago, the last week of May the world changed in another way. As I write this, trying to get my thoughts and feelings out in a constructive and compassionate way, I am sad. My heart is heavier than I can remember it being in a long time... possibly since the time period where I was estranged from my Savannah. I have a constant sadness that I am trying desperately to articulate. I am not sleeping well. If the boys are asleep or otherwise occupied, I am on social media - digging, reading, soaking in the emotions. I have to step back. I have to take a breath. I have to use better judgement and not let myself move into the rabbit hole of darkness, because I have spent some time there over the past week. I am thankful to have friends from every walk of life, every skin color, and on almost every continent. I am blessed to have been a part of a community outside my own, and I was able to immerse myself in a culture that is so very different than that of which I was raised. Texas to India is a big change, yall. And it was tough. And there were moments I wasn't sure I would survive it. But what other choice did I have? Of course I was going to survive it, dammit! And I was going to thrive, in the end. That was my goal. And share the world - a big picture world, a TRUE and HONEST vision of the world, FROM THE WORLD - with my daughter, to give Savannah the opportunity to see how big this world is and how much it has to offer and how different people live. And that we did. I am forever grateful for that opportunity. As a couple of white girls from Spring, Texas, though we've been blessed to travel a bit, we had never experienced discrimination. Until we moved to a country where we looked differently and spoke differently and even behaved differently. We were in a place where we could not blend if we tried, there was no melting pot, and no way to tan our very white skin to match our neighbors. And I was OK with that going in - I knew what I signed up for. Fitting in and looking exactly like the crowd hasn't really ever been on the top of my priority list, anyway. However mentally and emotionally prepared I was to stand out in a crowd, physically, I was NOT prepared for the judgement and discrimination that came our way, even though the instances were few and far between. I still remember the indignation I felt when we were at a restaurant for dinner one time and we kept getting nasty looks from one of the wives at a nearby table. I decided I was imagining it, I mean why would she be looking at us with such disgust? - and then they moved tables to the other side.  WAIT. WHAT? Did that just happen? Because we were behaving like normal adults at a restaurant, having a normal volume conversation, and she had no interaction with us. They moved tables because this lady didn't like the color of our skin??? And then, an epiphany in this white girl's head and heart. The emotional reactions to being judged by the color of one's skin are interesting, as I think back. Anger, sadness, disbelief... a little bit of all of those. And then I thought of my friends over here in the US who face this every single day of their lives. And I made a conscious effort to remember that feeling.  And I think I have over the years. But if I haven't, I have asked God to forgive me and make me better - make my heart clean - at the very least. 

I ask God every day to make me a light. When people see me, talk to me, spend time with me, let them see Jesus. Let Him speak through me and respond with and share love. Let them feel love that only He can emanate, and let me put my own agenda aside to share His love.  Obviously I fail more than I care to admit, but I still ask, and I still strive.  And he forgives me daily, I can only hope the people in my life do as well.

I feel like I am rambling a little bit here; sorry about that. I am taking the long way around what I am trying to accomplish, I guess, which is to do my part to bring light to a very dark cloud over our country right now. I said before I have friends from all walks of life, ie: Strong political views on the far right, far left, and everywhere in between. Trump lovers, Trump haters. Folks raised in a time or place or family where the color of someone's skin made them a good or bad person. Friends from elementary school 35 year ago. Friends from our stint in Chennai. Friends who look like me and friends who look nothing like me. Christian friends, Muslim friends, Hindu friends, Jewish friends, agnostic friends. Friends who I have laughed with, cried with, and shared life with. Some of those friends are not going to appreciate my outspokenness, but I pray they love me just the same... because I cannot remain silent about what is going on with my brothers and sisters of color. Michael and I have committed to remain active in the foster care community because we saw things that can't be unseen during the time we fostered our beautiful boy. That beautiful boy could have come with any color skin on this planet, and we would have accepted him and loved him just the same. And maybe that's why I am so overwhelmed by all that is going on in America right now - maybe it is because I could be the mom who worries if my son of a darker skin tone might not come back after a run through our predominately white area. Maybe it is because I have so many Mom friends who face this battle every day that I did not realize the depths of that anxiety until recently. Maybe it is because I am allowing myself to read and learn and understand more. I don't know why, but I know this has changed me. I will have conversations with my friends of color that might be uncomfortable. I will ask them the hard questions and I will ask MYSELF the hard questions. I will ask them to hold me accountable and tell me when I say or do things that are not in line with what we are trying to accomplish - more love, more acceptance, less fear, less judgement, less preconceived notions. I wanted to write more equality. But that isn't even right. There is no such thing as MORE equality. There is equality or there is inequality. So, equality. Period. I cannot change the behavior of others, but I can influence through my own actions, and by speaking up when I see and hear inequality. All lives matter. Yes, indeed. But right now, black lives are at risk. And we need to shine a light on those at risk. I will have a respectful and fact-based discussion with anyone who disagrees. All I ask is that you are open. Open to listen and open to feel. You don't have to agree. We don't have to agree. And you can challenge me and you can tell me it doesn't feel right, and I will be OK with that. It could be uncomfortable and it might even be heated - passion drives change, so I am ok with that, too. All I ask is that you are open to more than what you think you already know.  I will do my part to change the narrative. I will continue to pray for our broken nation... for our broken people, of ALL colors, for our peace officers who swear to serve and protect EVERYONE in the community, and for our hearts to soften with love and heal the wounds that are so deeply cut.  If you've made it this far, thank you. I will leave you with a reminder - Black lives matter... right now because they are in danger - Take a moment and read and reflect on Luke 15:3-7. He loves us all, but he leaves the masses to finds the lost one. What a visual. 

3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.  

Thank you, Jesus for making this so clear to me.